All of Me
Ok, I’m going to share something with you that should be obvious by now.
I have ALWAYS struggled with my weight. Even as a 5 year old child, I was chubby.
I hated it then and I hate it now.
But THEN I hated ME because of it.
NOW I accept ME but I still hate the weight problem.
As an overweight kid I was the brunt of jokes because I was FAT. Remember the “Fatty, Fatty, two by four-can’t get through the kitchen door” rhyme? I heard it directed at ME from the 1st grade through the 10th grade. It bothered me a LOT. Hurt my feelings more than I cared to admit. I even started making fat jokes about myself when I was growing up just to beat others to the punch!
SOMEWHERE along the way I developed an emotional attachment to food. If I got picked at about being fat at school I would come home and EAT because food became my emotional comfort. I never had a girlfriend in school. NOT because of my weight- but because of poor self esteem. The weight just made it worse.
Today my self esteem is fine. But I still struggle with my weight. It is SO easy for me to gain pounds, and it takes a change of my mindset, eating habits, and an EXCEPTIONALLY DISCIPLINED strenuous workout routine for me to be anywhere close to “Normal”.
Obviously in the last couple of years I haven’t been that disciplined. Because here I am again, heavier than I want to be, trying to find that disciplined mindset to shed the poundage. Of course nobody calls me “Fatty” anymore. After all, we are all adults now. Still, I get the occasional friend or fan who sees me an autograph line and says,
“MAN JEFF!! You’ve been eating GOOD! What happened?”
And I just smile and pat my tummy and answer,
“Yeah, I’ve been standing too close to the stove when Mama’s cooking!” or something like that. I know they don’t mean anything by it so I’m not offended.
But later that night when I lay down their words come back to me and I almost feel like that little chubby teenager again and I feel a twinge of that old painful shame.
And it bothers me. And to tell the truth, it messes with my confidence. It’s been bothering me for quite some
time now. And I’m ready to do something about it.
The difference between now and all the other other times I’ve literally worked my rear end off is: I’m gonna share it with you. And hopefully get a few of you making that decision with me and maybe we can support one another as well.
See, I’m tired of being overweight. And I want to be around for my daughter as long as God will let me. That means I need to be healthier. But I also want to be able to walk out on stage and sing and feel my best for YOU. And I want to be the best ME I can be.